FUNDACIÓN VÍCTIMAS DEL TERRORISMO 93 - ENGLISH

77 TESTIMONY us think alike. Each story is unique every loss is irreparable, and all sensitivities must be respected. For years, many victims of terrorism lived in uncomfortable social silence. Did you also feel this lack of recogni- tion or support? I didn't feel it. Perhaps because of the environment we were in, we always felt supported, but over the years I have rea- lised that psychological support at that time would have been a great help in pro- cessing everything that was happening to us. Now, with the passage of time, I think that support would have been very beneficial. Many children of victims say that they grew up feeling that they had to be strong for others. Did you experience something similar? Yes, even though I was very young, I often felt that way. I grew up seeing my mother with a broken heart and my sister deeply affected. Over the years, I have noticed in them an understandable resentment towards everything related to extremist ideas and those who com- mitted those acts. In that environment, I felt that someone had to open a window, let in some light and oxygen, so I grew up trying to be as childlike as possible, to bring some joy and normality to the home. Seeing how they completely des- troyed my mother's life, taking my father away from me and the relationship we could have had, made me make a deci- sion very early on: they took my child- hood away from me, my life was marked forever, but I wasn't going to let them take anything else from me. I consciously decided not to hold a gru- dge because hatred is something that consumes you, and I don't want that in my life. When someone tells me, "You're a victim," I always reply, "No, they made me a victim, but I am much more than that." That's why, for a long time, I avoi- ded talking about what had happened to my father. Even if the conversation tur- ned to terrorism, I never mentioned it unless I was asked directly. I didn't want people to look at me with pity or label me. In the midst of pain, sometimes a helping hand appears. Was there anything or anyone that helped you move forward? Our family environment was fundamen- tal for us. In addition, there were two people whom I did not know at the time, but who became part of my family: José Luis, my father's lifelong friend, and Án- gel, who has since passed away, the police captain who was my father's superior for many years. From the very beginning, they were by our side, accompanying us at all times and giving us their support in the most difficult moments. Over time, have you found a way to ho- nour your father's memory that brings you peace? My father has always been very present in my life. He is in the things I do with my children, who are now 15 and 19 years old. For me, keeping his memory alive means repeating with them what he did with us, traditions that brought us together. I still put up the nativity scene he bought when we were little at Christmas and I maintain the link with the village where I got married and where my children were baptised. It's my way of staying connected to him. Do you feel that Spanish society has changed in the way it views the victims of terrorism? Yes, but not entirely. In the 1980s, it was naturally assumed that if the victim was a police officer or civil guard, it was part of the job: "it was their risk, it was their job". Today there is greater sensitivity, but I have the feeling that in the last ten or fifteen years the memory of what te- rrorism was, of what it could be again, and of the fact that we victims have not disappeared, has been fading. It is not so- mething that is over and done with, nor is it a worn-out story: we are still here. Do you think it is important for vic- tims to tell their story in their own words? Absolutely. I would say it is essential. Each victim has a unique story that contributes something valuable, testimonies of life, overcoming adversity and respect, of mo- ving forward despite the blows that life deals. This not only serves to remember terrorism and prevent history from repea- ting itself, but can also be applied to any personal challenge. If someone can rebuild their life after such a blow, they can face other obstacles and move forward. For those who have experienced losses like yours, is there anything that has helped you and that you would like to share? It has helped me to think that, although the loss was terrible, I couldn't remain trapped in grief. I asked myself if my fa- ther, who enjoyed taking me on bike ri- des, on trips and making me laugh, would like to see me like this, depressed. The answer was clear. As long as I remember my father, he will live on in me. His me- mory gives me the strength to carry on. When you think of your father today, what emotion accompanies you most? Has it changed over the years? It has changed a lot. At first, it was mostly pain. Today, however, what I feel is some- thing different, difficult to explain. It is not sadness, but rather a feeling of calm, as if my chest were expanding, like a ba- lloon inflating. I feel comforted, accompa- nied, as if I had him by my side every day. Finally, how would you like your fa- ther to be remembered? Just as he was. A devoted father, a good person, a simple man who just wanted to live peacefully, be happy and provide for his family. "I grew up admiring my father, and even today, his every gesture and every memory stays with me."